This feature originally appeared in the 2019 Fall edition of the Cal Sports Quarterly. The Cal Athletics flagship magazine features long-form sports journalism at its finest and provides in-depth coverage of the scholar-athlete experience in Berkeley. Printed copies are mailed four times a year to Bear Backers who give annually at the Bear Club level (currently $600 or more). For more information on how you can receive a printed version of the Cal Sports Quarterly at home, send an email to CalAthleticsFund@berkeley.edu or call (510) 642-2427.



It wasn't until his soccer season came to a close that Christian Gomez was able to open up.
 
The Cal midfielder's promising freshman season came to a premature end last year when he broke his left leg during the third game of the season at Pacific. That culminated a trying year for Gomez, who also lost his older brother, Ricky, to an unexpected passing midway through his senior season at Canyon High School in Anaheim.
 
Gomez had directed his focus to soccer and school until that point. But when soccer was taken away from him, so was his ability to hold it all in.
 
"He kept a lot of it to himself," said Christian's mom, Micky. "It wasn't until he broke his leg could I tell how much it hurt him. That was the breaking point. Before that, he could carry on and put on a good face and appear to be OK. Once he broke his leg that opened the flood gates."
 
By self-proclamation, the Gomez we see on the pitch this season is dramatically different than the one we witnessed ever-so-briefly in 2018. The trauma he has endured has resulted in a transformation of perspective and priorities.
 
Losing two of the things he loved most – his brother and soccer – pointed him down a different path.
 
"It made me more grateful for everything," Gomez said. "Since then, I've felt like I have to go find a purpose helping people and get more involved in the community, see how people are doing."
 
It was on Jan. 6, 2018, that Gomez returned home from a trip with a friend and found out that Ricky, who was 11 years older than him, had passed.
 
"I had just seen him a week before," Gomez said. "I was really traumatized. Our siblings are out there doing their own thing and you just always assume they'll be safe. You never know what's going to happen. I was really shocked."
 
Gomez came to Cal after playing for the El Salvador U17 and U18 National Teams and appeared to be solidly in the Bears' playing rotation from the outset. He came off the bench and averaged 34 minutes during Cal's first two games and had played 23 minutes at UOP before he landed awkwardly on a slide tackle and broke his fibula. Further examination when the team got back to Berkeley revealed he also tore two ligaments in his ankle.
 
"It was a routine play," Gomez said. "It looked like any other tackle I've done a million times. I went in for a tackle, lunged in to get my leg across the forward, and he just landed on my leg. I was in shock. I knew something serious had happened just by the way my leg was sitting. What hurt the most was knowing that could have been the end of something or jeopardize my career. That hurt more than the pain."
 
Gomez underwent surgery a few days later and began the tedious process of rehabilitation. He spent every day with team athletic trainer Scott Bohrer and became part cheerleader-part inspirational leader for his teammates.
 
"He was out there gauging what needed to be said," said sophomore defender JJ Foe Nuphaus, who was Gomez' roommate last year at Clark Kerr. "He knew the words of encouragement that were needed for those players who had made an immediate impact on the pitch. It was definitely hard for him, but I never once saw him shy away from anything. He always stayed true to what he was doing."
 
While Gomez did what he could to help the team while on crutches, he began the process of reinventing himself. He started seeing a therapist to help him deal with the emotional toll he had endured. He's re-committed himself to making sure his family and others in his inner circle know how much he cares about them. He's developed an urge to help in the community. And he's found the world extends beyond the soccer pitch and classroom.
 
"After those two things happened, I kind of went through an identity crisis," Gomez said. "I think if you would have talked to me during my first semester, I would have had a totally different message. Now looking back, I'm kind of grateful for the two really big things that happened to me. It's kind of shaped me to pursue something a lot greater. I feel like I have to go find a purpose helping people. I know now that I'm not just a soccer player."
 
While the misfortune that has afflicted Gomez has done a lot to change his perspective, he began the process of growing up a few years earlier when he joined the El Salvador National Team program. After he showed up late to a tryout, coach Eduardo Lara allowed Gomez to scrimmage for about 10 minutes. That's all it took for Lara to invite him to begin training with the U17 team.
 
"I got a call one day and found out they were doing a tryout that afternoon at some random high school," Gomez said. "I finished school and drove to downtown L.A. The camp was almost over. Those 10 minutes were probably the best 10 minutes I've ever had."
 
For much of the next two years, Gomez spent time training with the El Salvador National Team program in San Salvador. He would go for weeks or sometimes months at a time. He spent weekends with a cousin about 20 minutes away but otherwise learned to live on his own in an unfamiliar culture.
 
"I feel like I grew up a lot faster," Gomez said. "I had to gain the trust of the fans and the community, and they're thinking this guy came from the U.S. Who is this guy? What's he trying to gain? I just wanted to represent my family. It was good for me to not have much else to do so I could just communicate with people and try to get involved in the community. I really tried to dive into the culture – try different foods, go see different places and talk to people."
 
The new Christian Gomez is back on the pitch in 2019 and hungry to get a redo on his freshman season. While he hopes he can make the same kind of impact he was expected to make last year, he will do so in a healthier, more holistic manner.
 
"What happened to me, I think I kind of needed it," Gomez said. "I was feeling at an all-time high. I felt really good about myself, and I think that was a little dangerous to feel that way. It humbled me and reminded me that it can be taken away from you at any second. Now coming back, I'm more mindful of how I carry myself on and off the field."