As a long distance runner at Cal, I compete for both the cross country and track & field teams. When I found out the track season was canceled, I didn't know what to think. I wasn't mad or upset; just numb. It felt like my life was a simulation, and at any moment I was going to wake up from and be told that my life at Cal wasn't real, that it was all some dream. My teammates were figments of my imagination, and I was still in high school.
 
Looking back, that reaction was a bit dramatic. I do really miss competing, and of course my team, but this crisis has shown me how lucky I am.
 
When it first happened, I looked at it as an extended break from running and figured I would take a month off and see how I felt after that. After only one week, I found I wanted to run again, so I did. Say what you want about running as a sport, but one good thing about it is you can do it pretty much anywhere as long as you have a pair of shoes.
 
I joined track in eighth grade. I did it because I was extremely competitive and kept doing it because I loved the team. I never ran for pleasure. When I started running in college, I felt like I lacked the connection to the sport that my teammates loved. When I was in Berkeley I was a runner, but I kept that separate from my life in Santa Cruz. At home running was an afterthought, something I did because I had to, not because I wanted to. It's crazy that it took a crisis of this magnitude to confirm my love of the sport that has affected my life so heavily. This is the first time I've felt connected to running. I find myself going for runs in the morning or afternoon, rather than waiting for the last possible hour of daylight and reluctantly dragging myself out the door. Running now gives structure to days that otherwise would have blended together in a haze of boredom. 
 
In times like these, it's very easy to feel sorry for yourself. There's nothing wrong with a little self-pity, but wallowing in it is never productive, especially when there are so many others out there right now dealing with far worse than what I'm going through. For me, a change in thinking always requires a change in action. When I find myself going into a pity spiral, I go for a run, paint a picture, or do something that helps remind me how lucky I am to be healthy. I'm not happy this whole thing happened, but it has made me appreciate my life a whole lot more, and for that I'm thankful.