This feature originally appeared in the 2022 Fall edition of the Cal Sports Quarterly. The Cal Athletics flagship magazine features long-form sports journalism at its finest and provides in-depth coverage of the scholar-athlete experience in Berkeley. Printed copies are mailed four times a year to Bear Backers who give annually at the Bear Club level (currently $600 or more). For more information on how you can receive a printed version of the Cal Sports Quarterly at home, send an email to CalAthleticsFund@berkeley.edu or call (510) 642-2427.



All day. Every day. People take shots at you.

That's the life of a goalkeeper.

You might think that someone like Angelina Anderson - someone who was named TopDrawerSoccer National Freshman of the Year, Pac-12 Goalkeeper of the Year and a three-time All-Pac-12 selection - was always confident in her abilities. But that hasn't always been true.

 "One of the things that's really hammered into you at an early age is you're a leader, you want to be confident," Anderson said. "You want others to know that you're confident and be intimidated by you. It's such an interesting dynamic, because all day long in practice you're just target practice, you're getting hammered on. It's so tough to keep your head up and keep your mindset right."

That makes sense. If you don't think you're going to make a save, you're probably not going to.

Everyone is going to fail sometimes or have moments of doubt. One could get scored on a lot in practice and think 'I am not a very good goalkeeper,' and only
remember all of the times she allowed goals. However, there's another way to look at the same situation.

"I think I am starting to view those little failures as a positive thing - especially in practice, when it's happening day in and day out, because you're going to fail," Anderson said. "There's no avoiding that. I have really improved on changing the narrative on what that means. For me that means you failed on the last one, let's change that for this next one. I really think that I have grown in having a positive mindset about that."

While mastering the positive mindset has been a work in progress, leadership has always been something that has come naturally to Anderson.

When she was asked to present at the Cameron Institute's Leadership Showcase last spring, Anderson had to look inward. She's always been a leader for her soccer teams. She captained the U.S. U-20 team at the World Cup, and is entering her third straight year as one of the team's captains at Cal.

But what was it that made her a good leader?

"When I was asked to think of a prompt or think of what leadership meant to me. I was kind of stuck," Anderson said. "I had not ever sat down and thought about my leadership style. When I did, I realized my biggest thing was genuinely connecting with people and that the only way to really do that is to be vulnerable at some level. Once I realized that, I thought it would also be necessary and powerful to share my story and be vulnerable up there and maybe it would inspire others that it's OK to be vulnerable. We all struggle and we all have things that we go through. It's not something I really would have ever done in the past, and I've got to say it was pretty nice to be vulnerable on a bigger stage like that and still be accepted afterward."

That's the fear with being vulnerable - that you'll admit something that you're ashamed of or nervous about and people won't have the reaction you'd like them to have.

"I was there when she gave that speech. I thought it was awesome," Cal fifth-year Sydney Collins said. "She described her leadership style perfectly. She leads in a way that recognizes she's not perfect. Nobody is. I think that's why people respect her a lot. She is able to be vulnerable and she can say, 'that was on me'."

Anderson's positive mindset and her willingness to be accountable and vulnerable alongside her teammates has had a positive influence on the group. 

"I'm just seeing small impacts around my team," Anderson said. "Obviously, mental health has become an important topic as of late, but even on my team I'm seeing people become more comfortable with me, more comfortable with their teammates being open and honest with things that they're going through. A small change, but I feel like it's bringing the team together in a different way."

Around the country, there has been more of an emphasis on mental health for student-athletes. These are young adults who are living on their own for the first time and being pushed to their physical and mental limits in their sport - all while trying to maintain good grades and make friends in a new environment.

That would be a lot to handle for anyone.

Cal's women's soccer team is in a unique spot this year as 31 of the 33 student-athletes on the roster are returning. There is a lot of comfort and unity on the team with so many familiar faces. But part of that also comes from having leaders who are vulnerable and accountable.

"When you have the chance to spend time with Angie, it becomes clear very quickly how special her leadership qualities are," Cal head coach Neil McGuire said. "She is gracious and kind and showcases great humility in dealing with others. Angie is a wonderful connector and one who makes those around her feel comfortable."

Anderson, who is double-majoring in English and psychology, interned last summer at a clinical psychology practice in San Ramon. She's had the opportunity to sit in on sessions and witness even more vulnerability and openness.

"Angie is an amazing captain, she is one of the best leaders I know," sophomore Ayo Oke said. "I feel like, personally, as someone who wants to be a leader, I can learn a lot from just being around her at practices and games. Even off the field, she's such a leader. She's honest and good at communicating with different people's learning styles. She's also kind, so you can still go to her. She never tells you something out of malice. She's just trying to help you be a better you and a better team."

Throughout a 90-minute game, goalkeepers have a lot of time to think. There's a lot of opportunity for self-doubt. However, by being open to being vulnerable about that difficulty, Anderson knows she can be ready for those few moments when she's required to act.

"I think a lot of it comes from making the conscious choice and having the confidence or faith in yourself – of really, truly believing in yourself," Anderson said. "For me, that comes from reflecting upon the work I have done up to this point. That always makes me feel more prepared and more confident in any situation in life. I feel like that's a transferrable skill that soccer has really taught me."

Anderson has practiced for the moment. She's been vulnerable to the failures and also experienced the joys of success.

So when the next shot comes, she'll be ready to save it.