"I'm not sure when I learned about him because I feel like I've always known who he was," said California redshirt junior pitcher Zoe Conley as she contemplates the history of Jackie Robinson, major league baseball's first black player. "Legend has it that I'm related to him through my great grandma. I've haven't done full extensive research, but that's what older people tell me."

Conley, all of 5-feet in stature, is one of the Golden Bears' starting pitchers and the program's first black pitcher.

She now shares her starting role with junior transfer Kamalani Dung. Before Dung's arrival, Conley started the majority of Cal's games in 2017. Conley sometimes pitched back-to-back days or doubleheaders, which was the case in last season's NCAA regional final at Auburn. Conley appeared in all four games within a three-day stretch.

While the Bears eventually fell to the Tigers, Conley's performance, in a notoriously hostile playing environment, garnered the admiration of her collegiate opponents and loyal Tiger fans, alike. Several players from the Tigers dugout commended Conley for her stellar performance and fans wearing orange and blue of various ages asked for autographs.

Moments like those - where naysayers become admirers - are nothing new for Conley, a Berkeley, Calif., native. Her short stature and other attributes surprise most onlookers anytime she steps in the circle. 

"I'm 5-feet tall, I'm black, and people aren't expecting me to be a pitcher," Conley said. "They think I'm on the bench and then they see me in the circle. It's more about the element of surprise for me.
"It's nice to see that my role and what I want to be for college softball, pitching especially, is being noticed. It's like, 'Oh hey, you're short, you're black and you have an afro on the mound,' people really like that. There are so many aspects to it that people notice that I didn't realize they were going to at first."

Being a visual outlier is something Conley accustomed herself to, but she also let it inspire her performances instead of questioning her belonging. Not only is Conley short, but she is just one of 10 black pitchers across all Power 5 Conferences (Pac-12, ACC, Big 12, Big Ten and SEC) and just one of 2 in the Pac-12 along with Oregon State's Nerissa Eason. The scarcity of black collegiate softball players, particularly pitchers, is something Conley is aware of. In fact, it is also why she wears baseball's most recognizable, respected and ubiquitously retired number, 42.

"Not only was he a significant player in getting more black people and people of color into baseball but also into other sports," Conley said about Robinson. "What I think is so special, though, was he managed to do what he had to do to further things for himself, but also the future of other colored players.

"It's a conscious decision for me to wear the number; this means something," said Conley, who initially wore number 24 for her birthday, which is May 24. But when she went to college the jersey wasn't available, so she opted for 42 instead. The connection was perfect.

While vast improvements to integrate and diversify both softball and baseball is evident, Conley acknowledges that her path has felt a bit harder than many of her peers. "A lot of schools turned me down because they thought I was good, but not enough to be at the Power 5 level," Conley recalled. "So I ended up going to CSUN. When I was there people saw that I was legit and then got on the bandwagon.

"My dad always taught me to have a lot of perseverance and to never give up. Even if it's in a game we're losing, I try to pitch my best to keep the team in the game."

What can be interpreted as unfair circumstances or prejudices, have forced Conley to hold onto Robinson's legacy all the more. 

"I do think that I have had a lot of adversity growing up, playing and trying to get recruited," Conley said. "I think sometimes I get called for things that other pitchers don't. A lot of it was me telling myself to, 'Go back to the drawing board; practice harder; show out next time.

"Jackie Robinson dealt with a lot of things like that and so I've just learned to grit my teeth and keep going. Sometimes it seems like it's racial, but you just roll with and say, 'I'll be better.'"

Conley is no complainer, however, and as circumstances get tougher - whether it be closely-contested games or accepting her uniqueness in her position - the daughter of James and Felecia Conley focuses even more on the strike zone and proves how determined she is. 

Conley says the lessons from her father, who would take her out to bat and throw at San Pablo Park, were best summed up in a clip from ABC's hit drama, "Scandal." The award-winning show stars black actress Kerry Washington (and wife of former Cal football star Nnamdi Asomugha), who similar to Robinson, broke industry barriers as the first African-American female lead in a network drama since 1947, the same year Robinson first started with the Brooklyn Dodgers. 

"There was a quote from 'Scandal' that stood out in a clip that I saw with Kerry Washington's character and her dad on the show," Conley recalled. "She was crying and her dad asked, 'what did I tell you?' She replied, "you have to be twice as good to get half as much.' I've felt that, especially because I didn't start out at Cal. It may have been because I was short and I don't look like the stereotypical pitcher - whatever that is."
  Conley, who graduated from Salesian High School, also credits her siblings for much of her strength.

"I have brothers and they were super rough with me growing up," she said. "We'd fight all of the time and wrestle. As I got older, my parents stopped it, but it made me tough in that aspect."

Even at an early age, Conley was never afraid to stand out as the lone girl on the boys little league team.

"My parents said I was so small and that everybody laughed at me," Conley said. "It was funny seeing a little girl out there on the field and playing with all of the boys, being rough with them and competing with them."

Standing out also adds to Conley's desire and devotion to being inside the circle.

"I like the all-eyes-on-me aspect of it," Conley said. "On the mound, I enjoy the adrenaline of the game and that it's kind of in my control. Even if it doesn't go my way, it's on me. I know I could've done something better."

But the spotlight is not easily endured, and typically those in its blinding path bear the most scrutiny. Conley says that understanding what burdens Robinson withstood, and seeing it re-enacted in the biopic "42," keep her encouraged.

"I don't know if he was the only person who could do it, but he was the right person to integrate baseball," Conley said. "It takes integrity and an incredible amount of perseverance."

As the Bears' first black pitcher, the junior's presence at the perennial program has already started to have an impact. 

"A lot of black dads come up to me and say, 'Thank you. My daughter looks up to you so much.' A lot of the young black girls follow me on Instagram and message me and ask me questions. I always reply to them specifically," said Conley. "It's really cool."

Conley laughs, but the notion of what her poise on the mound has meant is not lost on her, especially as April 15, Jackie Robinson Day approaches. The day marks Robinson's MLB debut and every player in the league sports a number 42 jersey. 

"Usually in the morning, I'll take a moment and think, 'this is pretty cool that I'm playing at the No. 1 public university in the world,'" Conley said. "That opportunity is something that I never take for granted. I go to school here, I play here and I start. All of those things, I take a moment to think about and reflect on."

Onlookers also appreciate the nod to Robinson.

"People come up to me all of the time because of my jersey number and say, "that's awesome. You're doing Jackie proud.'"

Conley emphasizes these traits as she encourages more young black girls to participate in softball.

"To little black girls I would say be strong," Conley started. "There are going to be so many obstacles that you will come across based on race, class, height, etc. But you must always persevere and be resilient. Be yourself, work hard, be humble and good things will come."
Even with all of the acknowledgement coming from outside of the program, Conley knows she is still most responsible for those with whom she shares the field and dugout. 

"Thus far we've been pretty cohesive," Conley said. "We click. We hang out a lot outside of softball, which is something we didn't do last year. We all come together well and feed off each other well. Moving forward, it will be difficult losing our seniors who are so impactful, like Jazmyn (Jackson), Kobie (Pettis) and Taurie (Pogue), but I think we have a good team."

As Cal returns to Pac-12 play this weekend in Seattle for one of its biggest on-field battles as it faces top-ranked Washington, it will not only be a time of intense focus for Conley, but a time of gratitude. The final game of the three-game series is scheduled for noon on Jackie Robinson Day.

"To Jackie I would say thank you for being a guiding light for people of all skin colors who aim to break barriers in any field," Conley said. "Thank you for having class and grace about who you were and how you handled things. Thank you for inspiring me to be great and to keep pushing on.

"Though I came across wearing 42 by accident, I could not be more proud and honored to wear this number."
 

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